You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
