When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
