there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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