so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
