I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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