Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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