I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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