sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
