Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
