The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How's work?
Spinning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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