So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
