Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
