Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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