She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I deserve this hangover.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
