just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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