i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
