Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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