Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
