where am i from again
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
