better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
