She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
