I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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