i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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