We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
