Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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