May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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