No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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