literally had 100 drinks last night.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
