Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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