This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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