dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
