he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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