if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
