I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
