we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Less talking, more tequila
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
