what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish you could order shots online.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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