he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
