I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
