I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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