There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What a dumb baby whore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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