I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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