You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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