we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
