he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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