just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
