The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
