So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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