I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
