I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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