they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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