Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
