Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
