hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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