mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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