Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
