I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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