She is in my trunk
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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