I just made out with a guy for $7.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I will be naked everywhere
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
