my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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