see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
