oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize