Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
