if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You can't special order awesome
Barsexuality is the new black.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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