next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
