and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's the barista slut.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
