Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it's like iHOP with fire
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't tell me you're on acid again
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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