She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
