hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
