I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize