Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
