Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
