U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
