Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
