Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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