so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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